Can anyone be a movie actor? Sure, why not? Anyone can do it, but not everyone can do it well. Just think back to the classic elementary school play where you, or perhaps a close friend, had the honour of portraying a rock or a tree in the background. If you can stand still and blend into the back ground then you’re a hit. An actor has a job to do and that’s it. Everyone has their part to play, and it is all the parts together that make the magic. But not all actors are equal. It starts with the basic background person or extra as they are known. They just fill in the gaps where needed. Then there is the bit player, the guy with the clipboard that has two words to say. It gets harder when you are into the character actor who is an important part of the plot, but also supports your main lead actor. Sometimes the lead is also known as a star. So that leaves the question; can anyone be a star and can any star be the lead? Nope. Not this week.
What’s a star? I guess you would have to say a star is determined by a combination of items not limited to their fame, popularity, and ability to draw a crowd. Terry Gene (Hulk Hogan) Bollea is certainly a star in the sense he’s well known and draws a crowd. But that’s for wrestling and not acting. But wait, (spoiler alert for you hard corps wrestle fans) isn’t most of wrestling a form of athletic based acting? Shouldn’t Hulk Hogan be able to easily slide from wrestling into acting with just a little extra training? Sure he can, and he has, but there’s a lot more to being a good actor than standing still and not making noise. I don’t think the Hulk could do that, and most of us wouldn’t want him to either. We want to see him act bigger and better than ever, and make us feel like we have connected with him on a personal level; it just has to happen in a movie you are likely to watch. It can be done. Just think about Predator and Jesse Ventura. He made the move from the mat to the screen and eventually, like his co star Arnold
Santa with Muscles 1996
| Director | |
| The Main Players | |
| Blake | |
| Lenny | |
| Leslie | |
| Clayton | |
| | |
| |
Synopsis:
A thrill seeking millionaire on the run from the law disguises himself as a mall Santa Claus, and after hitting his head wakes up with amnesia and believes he is Santa.
Review:
This is not just a B movie; it’s also a bad movie. How bad you ask? It has attained the lofty position on number 56 on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) list of bottom 100 movies; it’s been on there a long time. So what makes this one more than just a B movie? What is it that makes it so bad? I’d say expectation beyond anything else, because when you sit down and watch it today, it isn’t all that bad. In fact, it’s kind of cute and likely the best acting Hulk Hogan has done in his film and TV career. The real problems surface when you realize what kind of talent was around the Hulk at the time, and that they just didn’t do anything to make him look better. That’s sad and weak.
Blake (the Hulk) isn’t week by any means. He’s a body building fitness freak with a vitamin/supplement business worth a fortune. We’re introduced to him as he practices his skills of assaulting others by acting like a home invading mad man on the staff of his mansion. At the same time, we learn about the Evil Ebner Frost, a man who will use any means necessary to scoop up various properties in the area. He has a team of evil doctors with specialties in torture, or at least what passes for torture in what is essentially a kid’s movie. Making someone sign over the deed to their property by forcing them to smell your farts isn’t what leaps to mind when I think of torture, but… I told you this is a bad movie and you can’t blame it all on Hulk Hogan.
At the mall Blake and his mansion staff are on the run from the law because they can’t seem to go anywhere without breaking all the traffic laws. Blake finds a Santa suit to elude the dumbest police in the world and falls hitting his head. Enter Lenny, who is one of Santa’s helpers and is tasked with finding a new one to replace the drunken one they have now. Lenny gets Blake’s wallet and realizes who he really is but since the incredibly rich man has amnesia, he decides to fuel the fantasy rather than help him out. While Blake is doing his Santa job in the mall a couple of petty thieves try to steal from a charity stand, and Blake gets to show off his skills by thumping the crap out of them to the cheers of young children. The commotion draws cheers from the crowd, but also the attention of the police still searching for Blake. All we need now is a really good sub-plot.
Frost has an obsession with local realty. He has several key properties on his list and won’t take no for an answer. So the only property left on Frost’s list is a small orphanage (yes orphanage) and he unleashes his doctors to force the sale. Who do you think just happens to come down the road as the orphanage is under siege; well Lenny and Blake of course. Not only did Blake loose his memory, but the bang on the head made him forget what a ruthless and selfish business man he is. Immediately he defends the orphans and staff sending the evil doctors running back to Frost. Of course, the orphans believe Santa has come to rescue them and the beautiful love interest who runs the place thinks their prayers have been answered. This all sets the stage for a massive showdown between Frost and Blake.
A long time ago someone told me there is no such thing as useless. At the very least, something or someone can always be an example of a bad example. There is convenience, there is unlikely, and then there is the contrived. Watch this film to learn the rest of the plot and see the ultimate example of contrived; it must be experienced.
Lessons Learned:
- Wrestling might be considered acting; wrestlers do not make good actors.
- It only takes 3 kids to make an orphanage.
- Ed Begley Jr. will be in almost any show.
- So will Clint Howard.
- The police are packing anti-tank weapons.
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