What’s worse than being embarrassed? OK, dead is worse but then you don’t get to really feel it; or that’s what we think. Have you ever seen something so embarrassing that you felt embarrassed for the person suffering it? It’s like when you watch someone suffering some horrible act in the movie and you just can’t watch. For example, I drowned once when I was a kid taking in a lung full of water. I didn’t pass out, and my rescue was just being pulled from the pool and coughing it all out. But still, I can remember the moments of panic knowing it was about to happen and I couldn’t stop it. To this day I can’t watch movies where people are drowning or about to. So not everyone has drowned, but everyone has been embarrassed at some point in their life.
We all know what it’s like to be embarrassed. It’s a primal emotion shared in every facet or version of human culture. We even think some of our pets feel that way from time to time. I’ve seen my dogs do something stupid and I could swear they sort of look away with their head down in shame like they embarrassed themselves. I’ve seen acting done so well combined with writing so strong that I’ve felt the embarrassment for the character and feel like I can’t watch it anymore. Curse of Bigfoot is not that kind of movie. When you watch it, and I dare you too, the feeling of embarrassment for everyone involved in it will be overwhelming. Only after watching will you understand what the curse is.
No poster this time.
Director
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The Main Players
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Roger Mason
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Dr. Bill Wyman
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Synopsis:
This one is so hard but I will do my best. The Curse of Bigfoot involves a famous Bigfoot hunter addressing a group of high school students after their teacher has spoken at length about the Yeti and where it goes from there…..You will just have to hang on and see.
Review:
Wow! Now was that a good Wow or a bad one? If you guessed the latter, stop on your way back from the fridge and give yourself a cookie. Who the hell makes a movie called Curse of Big Foot and doesn’t have Big Foot in it. Holly shit! Not even a cameo. OK. So there is a foot in a few scenes but without some object next to it, I can’t say for sure if it was actually big. Perhaps it was a lesser known cryptozoological creature with a name like Swollen Foot. Now that I think about it, there wasn’t even a curse. What the hell! So plug your nose and get ready for this one.
We start out just outside some rural home where some heavy mouth breathing creature is lurking in the dark; supposed to be dark but more on that later. There is a girl, her dog and the creature but nothing happens. Cut and leap to a classroom where students are listening to their teacher wax on about the paranormal. As he starts to talk about the Yeti he switches gears and goes into Big Foot and we get to see some old stock film of famous mountaineers and some other crap that makes no sense. The director is sort of stuck now and what do you do when you film yourself into a corner. You show 15 minutes of stock footage on logging. That’s right, 15 minutes of logs floating down the Columbia
With the lesson on the paranormal pulp and paper industry over we go back to the classroom where the kids get to welcome a guest speaker Dr. Bill Wyman. His claim to fame is his legendary search for Big Foot. Some kid smirks at the notion and the good Dr. tells him about the horrors of one expedition to find the elusive creature. He tells them (remember this plot point) about how the creature was so shocking that of the 5 students he took on his big expedition remain in a mental institute to this day. Makes sense if they were in this movie. Let’s find out why.
We are suddenly taken to the desert in the Navajo region where the Dr. and 5 students are on a dig for ancient Indian artefacts. Eventually they find the entrance to a cave and go in. They find an Indian mummy, if there is such a thing, and like any kook they decide to take it back with them. Nothing quite like getting a nice souvenir, and desecrating an ancient burial ground all at the same time. They dump the mummy in a garden shed and for some strange reason decide to take turns guarding it from God knows what. Those kids in the ‘60s sure knew how to party. “Hey Bobby, why don’t you come over and we can play some records and jive? Don’t forget to bring your ancient Indian mummy.”
Do I have to tell you it comes to life? The rest of the movie is just them running around trying to get away from the slowest moving monster you will ever see in a movie. And let’s talk a moment about the cinematography. Putting a blue filter on the camera lens and shooting in the middle of the day does not make it look like night time. Plus when you watch this one you get to see the colour shifting all the time. Hey nice beige sports coat, oh wait, sorry nice blue...you get the idea. So how does it all end? They get the idea to surround themselves with bales of hey soaked down with gasoline and keep buckets of gas near by. During the exciting conclusion they throw buckets of gas on the attacking monster/mummy and then set it on fire.
Now remember this is the incident that sent some of them to the nut house due to the trauma. The final moments show them standing around the burning monster like he’s a bon fire while they are laughing and joking. Oh…the horror. Must have been a wicked case of Post Dramatic Stress Disorder, and the lack of marshmallows sent them right over the edge. The moral of this story is to never splice unrelated movies together, add stock nature footage and give a title that has nothing to do with it. But I loved it.
Lessons Learned:
- Big Foot loves logging.
- What’s more frightening than paper masks?
- It’s the little nuances that bring a film to life like arguing about where to get an orange soda pop for 5 long minutes.
- Is Big Foot real? I’m not sure but you’d think if he was, he’d be suing the asses off these dorks.
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