The ‘50s were strange times. Progress in technology was so fast that if
you got off the grid for a few days you were lost when you got back. Everyone was trying to reinvent the toaster
or blender while marketers discovered good old mom was becoming the most
important decision maker in household purchases. But the space age was the new opium of the
masses with everyone looking to the sky to see strange unexplainable things;
nothing but space chicks. Are you ready
to breed earth-man?
Director
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The Main Players
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Nyah
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Michael
Carter
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Ellen
Prestwick
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Robert Justin, alias Albert Simpson
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Synopsis:
At
a small inn on the Scottish Highlands the battle for Earth’s sovereignty will
be decided by a couple of stuffy scientists, an escaped convict, and a semi-hot
older chick in red leather looking to score guys; all of them.
Review:
Ok.
This movie is complicated, but not because of clever plot devices or
complex characters. No, it’s complicated
because it doesn’t make much sense beyond the basics. Simply put, a bunch of people stuck at a
small inn on the Highlands are visited by a whacked out space broad looking for
a few good men, or more accurately men in general. In her fancy futuristic spaceship (it’s made
of metal and that’s enough for these guys) she’s travelled from Mars in search
of men to replace the breeding stock back home.
Our story opens at the inn where an
escaped convict has arrived seeking to hide and meet up with his old
flame. At the same time a couple of scientists
show up looking for a meteor, and they need a place to stay due to the
fog. There’s also a young kid (smartest
in the bunch) just to add some tension when he goes missing. This beginning isn’t just long, it’s boring
as well. Eventually there is a flash in
the sky and they are left wondering if something has crashed nearby.
Enter Nyah, bimbo from Mars. In fact, Nyah isn’t much of a bimbo after
all. For most of the movie she struts
around the outside and inside of the inn pontificating about how inferior earth
people are; but men could serve a purpose back on Mars. She explains how the war of the sexes on her
home world has left a shortage of males.
Her mission is to acquire functional souvenirs as breeding stock for the
future. I guess they want the war to
continue. For the most part, they all
seem frightened by the alien dominatrix, but then for a moment it almost seems
like a few of them are hoping for tryouts. That might have made the movie a lot
more interesting. Another lost opportunity.
Well it all sort of drones on for a
while with Nyah proclaiming how much more powerful she is than her captives
followed by her demonstrating it over and over.
She brings out her giant robot that looks a hell of a lot like a refrigerator
having it blast trees and cars to get the point across. I think she had them at giant robot, but what
would the special effects guys do? As
she brags on about her superiority she shows a few of them what powers her
ship, and at the same time accidentally shows them how to destroy it.
Skipping past the nonsense it has
become quite apparent someone will sacrifice themselves to save the world. One of our heroes volunteers to go with her
and once her guard is down, blows up her ship.
There are only two problems with this great plan. It’s based on the assumption that if they
foil Nyah it will be then end of any interest from Mars invading Earth. That would be like calling off the invasion
on D Day because your first scout got killed and didn’t make it back. The second issue would be why didn’t they do
that in the first 30 minutes, so I could have watched something else? Why do I do this to myself?
Lessons Learned:
- The Devil Girl from Mars wears nothing but
red. Aren’t you glad we have
rainbows.
- On Mars, every night is Ladies Night.
- Walk softly and carry a big honking Killer Robot.
- Invisible force fields hurt just like the regular
ones.
- Even the Devil Girl from Mars couldn’t get a
parking spot in London.
- Just think of this…Long before there was Spider-man
on Broadway, London had Devil Girl from Mars on the stage (the movie was
adapted from the original stage play).
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