Director:
Bernard L. KowalskiSynopsis:
Man’s first launch into space ends tragically when the orbiter crashes back to Earth killing the first astronaut, or it seems until he is reanimated by an alien force using him as a surrogate host for his/hers invasion babies.
Review:
This is another one of those gems from one of my super 50
movie packs from Amazon. I thought this was going to be horrible and it sort of
is, but it turned out to be a wonderful sort of horrible. In the beginning,
they say the pilot Major John Corcoran was supposed to be the first man sent up
to a satellite and then return, but not dead like they find him. It isn’t all
that surprising when you consider we first see John in his ship in a G Suit
instead of a Pressure Suit, so it was going to be death no matter what. Or as
the man who found him said, “Looks like he bought it. All the way!” Of course
the rest of their group finds this upsetting as they hear it come over the
radio, but Doctor Julie Benson is a little more upset than the others since she
is John’s new fiancé. Their apparent leader Doctor Wyman consoles her saying
they knew there would be risks and they’ve got a lot of stuff to do. They always
say it’s in the pursuit of science, but there doesn’t appear to be much science
stuff going on here. For the next while they spend a lot of time working on
dead John; he confused them. From the examination the Doc realizes John isn’t
breathing and he has no pulse, however Julie finds he has excellent blood pressure
leaving them all with the same mystified look as my Doctor when he says my BP
is both great and very suspicious. Our movie Doc says it’s impossible and he’s
right, but we won’t let little details like that ruin a strange movie.
As
things progress they start having other problems such as their radio
communications won’t work, their power is out, their vehicles won’t start, and
finally their watches have all stopped just like for me, the film makes it feel
like time has stopped; one insanely dull experience. It should come as no
shock, nor be any sort of spoiler that John is eventually reanimated. Of course
there are a few moments when they think there is something after them in the
night. At the same time, Julie is examining a blood sample from dead John and
finds his blood is very active and we are treated to a microscopic animation of
the battle going on in his blood, done in the style of a cheap breakfast cereal
ad from the ‘60s (I should know, I was there).
So the first thing Zombie John does once he is up is kill
the Doc or it is meant to seem like it, because we only get to see the aftermath
when the body is discovered. Once John is fully up walking around, and scarring
the shit out of the others, he confesses to have absorbed the Doc’s being. I
know it doesn’t make much sense, but you are in good company, because the
actors all look just as confused. You can only wonder if it was and extra page
slipped into their script that day. Or it could simply be a matter of a page
from a different script getting mixed up in theirs. I’m not convinced they
would notice.
Eventually John starts to act a lot more like himself
except for his sympathy and understanding of the parasites growing inside of
him. As he stomps around on his moral soapbox advocating for interplanetary
relations the Blood Beast bursts in just in time to support the fears of
everyone but John. As the Beast lumbers around waiting to be noticed, the
others draw on it and start shooting while John pleads for it. No one seems to
want or need to aim their guns despite their close proximity in the small room
they are in.
The others want to believe John’s claims about the peaceful
nature of the Beast, so they decide to burn it alive with Molotov Cocktails.
John helps them to track down the Beast to a cave, but he jumps ship to be with
the Beast and learns about its secret plan to get it on with all of humanity
and take us over for our own good. For some reason John has an epiphany suddenly
understands he is the focal point of an invasion, while Julie is remorse at the
thought of all the engagement gifts she is going to need to return. John
demands they kill him along with the Beast and when they are slow on the
trigger, he makes the decision for them by sacrificing himself so they can get
the BBQ started. And the invasion is stopped and the Earth saved.
Lessons Learned:
- Once
you’ve been to space, you no longer need a heart to have great blood
pressure.
- Some
guys will do anything to stay a bachelor.
- The
best way to get bad news is over the CB Radio with others listening and
watching.
- Getting
knocked up by and alien is easy, but not as much fun as the way Capt. Kirk
did it.
- NASA
scientists are trigger happy and lean heavy to pyro.
