One of the main
reasons I like B-Movie Sci-Fi is how horribly inaccurate they are at predicting
what the future will be like. Is 2001 still
relevant now that it’s 2016? Better yet,
how about those pesky Soviets that gave H.A.L. and friends a hard time back in
2010 with the Soviet guy telling Dr. Floyd they would just be giving a ride to
some poor Americans. Arthur C. had some pretty cool ideas about how things
might work and how we could use space to make our lives on the blue marble
better, but he never saw Ronnie coming to take down the evil empire. Could you
imagine writing that one back in the day and the synopsis certain to get you
punted from the writer’s guild. Friday
9pm – Aging former Hollywood has been rises to leader of the free world while
fixing a nation and taking down wall of another. That would be a much
harder sell back than trying to get Benjie
7 – Dog in Space made.
This installment
comes with equally bizarre notions about the future and what we will be capable
of. Robots, Space Monsters, and riding around with your best girl on your Vespa
just like we dreamed about as kids.
Director
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The Main Players
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Princess Marcuzan
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Dr. Nadir
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Dr. Adam Steele
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Col.
Frank Saunders / Frankenstein
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Synopsis:
A
barren Martian Princess travels to Earth with her personal evil physician with
the intention of kidnapping women as breeding stock on Mars, until their plans
are disrupted by a mentally ill American space android.
Review:
This
one is right up the alley of some others we’ve looked at so far. I’d have to
say the one I find most similar to Franky would have to be Curse of Bigfoot. The main reason for this is just like COB,
Frankenstein never actually shows up in this movie. It turns out Franky is a
complex type of android made from transplanted human parts. Think Robocop but
far less sophisticated and no cool gun. Franky is our man, sort of, with gigantic
radio tubes sticking out of his brain with a mission to visit Mars and let us
know what’s going on there.
The
Princess Marcuzan along with the incredibly creepy Dr. Nadir are on a mission
to find some girls to bring back to Mars when they accidentally mistake
Franky’s rocket for a missile attack. Franky winds up ejecting and making it
back to Earth, but the Princess and Nadir are after him to make sure he doesn’t
ruin their plans; I guess. Their landing team catches up to Frank and shoots
him. They don’t kill him but manage to damage his head badly turning him into a
homicidal maniac/monster. Meanwhile, back at NASA Adam and Karen, Frank’s
support team are searching to find him in case he survived. Word comes in that
Frank’s capsule landed in Puerto Rico with other reports of violence in the
area as well; off to San Juan.
Soon
the aliens grab their first hot 1960s’ beach babe and they aren’t disappointed.
The princess examines her long enough to bring her sexual orientation into
question. With their superior alien intelligence and technology they realize
the bikini is the single determining factor for breeding suitability, so it’s
off to pool parties and the beach. Nothing says the 60’s like groovy music
accompanied by bikini go-go dancing, and it makes it a lot easier for aliens
looking for girls, to find them.
Eventually
Adam and Karen catch up to Frank, and like the great novel Karen is able to
sooth the beast calming him her tender touch. She needs to go for help and
stuff that doesn’t really matter leaving Frank with Adam. On her way she is
captured by the alien space thugs because there seems to be only two roads in
all of P.R. unless they need to use stock footage. Once Karen is in the
clutches of the Princess and Nadir, only then do we finally get to meet the
space monster. I’d like to say it was worth the wait but I’d be lying. I won’t
be giving anything away when I say Karen gets rescued by Frank, and then he
deals with the bad guys and monster. Is that a spoiler?
You
really should check this one out. I own it but you can watch it on YouTube if
you search for it. If not for the pure entertainment, then watch it just to see
what passed for entertainment back then. I can only guess that in some places,
the miracle of pictures coming to life on the screen was enough to mesmerize
these simple folk. Or it could be that it was just so boring then that kids
would go see anything, or in this case nothing if you take out the girls in
bikinis.
Lessons Learned:
- Aliens always wear helmets to conceal their identity
and to cut down on casting costs.
- Space monsters are all bark and no bite.
- Pointy ears do not make everyone seem smarter.
- Are all alien space ships a lot bigger on the inside
than they look on the outside?
- If Mars really did have a population and they had a
war that killed almost everyone off, now we know why.
- This movie makes alien abduction look like fun.
